A single pine tree contemplates
under the setting sun
a dusty field spread
out flat to dry
a yellow textured cloth
golden, she corrects from the back
seat of the car, as we zoom
past, not yellow
bare toes curl around
the dusty gas pedal
rooted to the machine, we leave
the colors, golden, she insists
golden then, a pine tree
rich in the dropped colors
forgotten by the sun
who fled in haste
to India, where the women try
sewing rainbows of yellows in
the grey dawn for the girls
to swish around
their hips and wear
the dusty cloth
dancing over
bare feet, like pine trees
dance at twilight
holding their thick skirts up
from the solid, slender trunk
the needles brushing their ankles
knobby and pale against the dirt
meanwhile sunshine presses
gold leaf around
the edge of an Indian sky
sings hello while forgetting
its half colored in pine
tree on the other side
of the earth
which is quickly losing its color
under a bleached white moon
This is so beautiful! my favorite, in fact, of your new poems. Because I love it so much, I counsel you to take off the DEER part, but only because I think it trivializes all the loveliness---tries to make the poem into something funny. But seriously, SO beautiful! I love the interrupting voice in the beginning. sounds like Mallory. :) quite wonderful!
ReplyDeleteOk, now it's fixed :) Sometimes I'm not sure how to end poems. I'm glad you liked it.
ReplyDeletehmmmm....you should keep thinking about the end; perhaps one more line, or two, that make the poem even more important? Some small insight into why the pine tree swishes her skirts, or why the women make rainbows, or how these things connect, or a question they (the women and the trees, and maybe you) are asking?
ReplyDeleteJust a thought; I feel like one or two more really great lines will take this poem to where it wants to be. :) :)
Siiigh. You're right. I know you're right. That's why it originally had the silly bit bandaged on the end. I couldn't think of how to end it. Now it's bleeding a little on the floor, and it's going to be messy to clean up. Hm. I will consider this problem, and fix it, but you may have to wait a bit.
ReplyDelete